Why, after a bereavement, counselling may not always be the best option

After an employee or colleague is bereaved, there can often be an assumption they will need access to bereavement counselling. While this may be helpful, for some people other forms of support may be just as, or even more, beneficial, as Christine Husbands explains.

Bereavement is never an easy topic to discuss, not least because it is so personal and we all grieve in different ways. What this also means from the perspective of employers, occupational health teams and insurers is don’t make assumptions when it comes to grief and bereavement support.

Bereavement has many facets, and structured counselling is only one of a number of possible solutions for those affected, and should not be the default recommendation for dealing with bereavement.

In our experience at RedArc, many employers and insurers typically offer bereavement counselling as their primary or sole solution for those who are grieving. But our research has found this is not necessarily appropriate for everyone.

Sleep, anxiety and relationships

Bereavement can affect many areas, including sleep, anxiety, relationships and everyday life. Therefore, often access to services other than counselling may be more appropriate.

In fact, our client data suggests that, in 70% of cases, other support was more beneficial. This includes practical and emotional support, signposting to specialist charities and self-help groups, and the provision of reliable reading materials and other resources.

Only in 25% of cases was bereavement counselling also required, and complementary therapies in some cases.

Parents may be struggling to cope with their own grief as well as supporting their children through the loss of a family member, support needs to encompass this aspect too.

Five ways to approach bereavement support

So, let’s try and break this down. In our view, there are five key areas, or key resources, you need to be thinking about.

1. Specialist support groups. Researching and signposting towards trusted national and local specialist bereavement charities and support groups can be a key area of support. This can make a tangible difference to many as it allows interaction with like-minded people who have gone through similar experiences and provide a vital sense of community, whilst also mitigating feelings of isolation.
2. Practical support. Following the death of a family member, it stands to reason partners and close family may need support with practical issues such as eldercare, childcare, returning to work, house clearance, dealing with a will and probate, and so on.
3. Trustworthy resources. Providing (and signposting to) trusted reading material from a recognised source is also often invaluable. The internet is full of (mostly) well-meaning advice but not all is grounded in clinical expertise. During bereavement, individuals are particularly vulnerable and so being given reliable reading materials and other resources for adults and children, such as Apps, workbooks and factsheets can be a great help.
4. Complementary therapies. Complementary therapies such as massage, acupuncture or Reiki can also offer great comfort during bereavement and help with problems such as relaxation and sleeping.
5. Long-term support. The default support offered by many for bereavement is often a block of six to eight, weekly counselling sessions. But our data shows that, on average, an individual needs bereavement support for seven months, demonstrating the fact that counselling, if appropriate, needs to be embedded into a wider and longer programme of support.

Even when an individual believes they have successfully dealt with their grief and does not need any further or immediate support, milestones such as anniversaries, birthdays and Christmas can reignite emotions. So support must be available over the long term.

Conclusions

In summary, there appears to be a misconception that anyone who is bereaved needs bereavement counselling. However, grief is a normal human process following the death of someone close and not everyone will need bereavement counselling.

For those experiencing bereavement, there is often a big benefit in being able to talk to someone outside of the individual’s circle of family and friends. But the most effective support needs to be much more holistic and longer term than just a short-term block of therapy.

At RedArc, we’ve found that the dedicated support of a nurse is often the most valuable – one who can provide the long-term support that’s needed, as well as signpost to the most appropriate additional support when required.

Finally, don’t fall into the trap of assuming that because individuals ask for bereavement counselling that’s what will be the best for them. It may well be, but it may also be that they’re asking for counselling because they’re unaware of the different types of support that may be available.

The key message therefore is that, at this particularly vulnerable time, an individual must be assessed on their particular needs and be given access to the most appropriate and proven type – or types – of support, which may include bereavement counselling but not necessarily.