What I learnt about dating in my 40s

I never thought I would become a single woman in my 40s, I mean who does? It was something that I actually feared, as I never thought I could be happy and by myself.

How wrong I was. Yes, living alone with my kids might be slightly more work, but I now have a life without compromise and criticism and I don’t have to be surrounded by smelly middle-age cycling gear – bliss!

Dating in my forties has been an unexpected joy, too.

Like most people, when I got married, I naively presumed it would be for life. That I would just live out that prescribed coupledom, and was destined to have a husband by my side until we both ended up wearing nappies, had matching tracksuits and hip replacements.

But two weeks before the global lockdown in March 2020, my relationship abruptly ended because of that old fun cliche, his affair. Surprise Helen, that guy you knew for 22 years, isn’t who you thought he was!

So, there I was: Single, forty-something, an absolute trainwreck, locked inside my house for the next three months with my children, Netflix and a whole lot of homeschooling hell.

Before my shock separation, I was prudish, wore clothes that hid my body, and avoided getting, ahem… “in touch” with my own sexuality. All this started to change when I decided to take the plunge into the bizarre world of internet dating. Who knew, this shy girl from country Victoria, and a daughter of a vicar would transform in this way? Certainly not me.

Out of curiosity, (revenge), I decided to sign up to Tinder to see who might be interested in a “creative leftie, who likes a wine”. To my astonishment, there were actually hundreds who swiped right. So, did that mean I really was just a couple of text messages away from my first post-marriage shag? Yes indeed. Weirdly, my libido suddenly emerged, which was strange, because I thought I had swapped it for Paw Patrol and Chicken Nuggets years ago.

In the beginning, I chose 40-somethings who wore a lot of polo shirts and sensible shoes, and would bake their own sourdough bread. They were familiar and safe (boring). But, what shocked me was that so many of these blokes were looking for MUCH younger women. So I thought, hang on, if they were looking for gorgeous young things, why wasn’t I? The tables are turning when it comes to women dating younger men. Yes, there are still derogatory terms like “cougar” and “MILF”, but there is greater acceptance. I had received quite a bit of interest from younger men, who had said they were looking for an older, confident lover. Maybe there was an advantage to being in my forties?