Two minutes with Danny Katz: How to future-proof family photos

Q: I found an old family photo showing four generations of our family, including my nephew and his girlfriend. However, their association was so fleeting that, with decades now past, none of us has any clue as to who she is. What is the tactful solution to family photo-taking that excludes “blow-ins”?
B.F., Albury, NSW

A: I guess the most tactful solution is to just announce that you’re going to take two family photos: one with core family members and the other with all the peripheral folk, including girlfriends, boyfriends, family friends, disliked cousins, and unphotogenic uncles who are too tall to be hidden up the back.

But this could upset some of the peripheral folk who assumed they were core family members, so we might need a more creative solution.

How about taking just one family photo and arranging everyone in order of importance: elders in the middle, offspring to each side, long-term partners beside offspring, little kiddies down the front, surly teenagers up the back, hidden behind tall, unphotogenic uncles? Then boyfriends and girlfriends carefully placed on the outer edges, spaced at least 25 centimetres from the pack for easy post-production removal with an image-cropping tool.

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Hang on. I think we can do even better with our family photo future-proofing. What about telling everyone to wear green because “It’s going to be a kooky-themed photo”, then take the shot in front of a green backdrop so individuals can be easily removed with digital technology?

You’ll never need to take another family photo again. Short-term boyfriends and girlfriends can be deleted the day they split up. Long-term partners who stop being long-term can be erased from the family forever. And surly teenage faces can be extracted and replaced with cheery youthful heads from K-pop bands.

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