Two minutes with Danny Katz: Coming clean on living with a hoarder
Q. My wife can’t resist claiming anything that people leave out on the nature strip for free. How can a wannabe minimalist get along with a confirmed hoarder?
M.D., Oakleigh, Vic
A. I think we have the same taste in women. Anytime my wife goes out anywhere, even if she just pops out for bread and milk, she’ll come back with some rotting hunk of mouldy old crap she found on the side of the street – then she’ll drag it into our house, her holding one end, 2000 nesting earwigs helping out with the other. Borer-riddled tables, faulty old appliances, wonky-legged chairs that you can’t put your weight on – you have to hover over them like you’re using an airport toilet. Once, she came home with four perfectly good Bentwood dining chairs that she found on a nature strip; she said she almost didn’t see them there because they were hidden behind a half-filled removalist truck.
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And I’m exactly like you: a minimalist. My idea of a perfect house is clean, white walls; clean, uncluttered floors; clean, empty spaces – and, just to break things up a bit, a corner (just the one will do). So I also know the excruciating agony of watching mounds of junk collect in your home. Our living room looks like a deceased estate auction that someone forgot to advertise.
But even though you and I have cold, empty, minimalist hearts, we must learn to accept that junk collecting makes our partners happy; we must learn to respect their passion for recycling; we must learn to sit in that damp, upholstered armchair that itches like something’s laying eggs in your buttocks. And you know, every now and then they bring home something truly wonderful that can be treasured for years and years to come. Well, maybe about three years – until the borers finish it off.
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