Kisi Ka Bhai Kisi Ki Jaan review: Loud and senseless, Salman Khan’s cringefest makes you say, ‘stop it, Bhaijaan’

There’s Salman Khan, some more Salman Khan swag and lots of Salman Khan action. Kisi Ka Bhai Kisi Ki Jaan is a no-brains family entertainer led by Salman suitable for nothing other than a cringe-binge hatewatch. If you’ve missed seeing Bhai on Eid in his truest avatar pulling off some raw, hardcore action and signature hook steps with unbearable melodrama, then Kisi Ka Bhai is for you. Directed by Farhad Samji, the film has no sense, no logic, no story to blow your mind, but yes, there’s a lot of action, drama, emotion and action. (Also read: Kisi Ka Bhai Kisi Ki Jaan release live updates: First reviews call it ‘really mediocre’)

First thing first, who decided on that weird, ugly long hair wig for Salman? Did his character really need that hairdo? Does it add any value to story? Most importantly, does it make Salman look good? The answer is NO on all fronts. I detested that distracting wig the entire first half so much so that I honestly couldn’t see past it in any of the scenes. Thankfully, we are spared the torture in the second half.

Loosely based on 2014 film Veeram, KKBKKJ revolves around Bhaijaan (Salman), who has dedicated his life raising his three brothers – Ishq (Raghav Juyal), Moh (Jassie Gill) and Love (Siddharth Nigam) – and in that hustle, he decided never to marry. But when Bhagyalaxmi (Pooja Hedge) enters the scene, things change and he finds a new purpose in life. However, on learning that Bhagya’s brother Annayya Gundamaneni (Venkatesh Daggubati), is a non-violent person and their family is being threatened by rival Nageshwar (Jagapathi Babu), Bhaijaan takes it upon himself to protect them. Meanwhile, Bhaijaan and his brothers’ lives are already in danger as Mahavir (Vijender Singh) is out to kill them for a piece of land where everyone worships Bhaijaan.

At 144 minutes, the film is painfully long and stretched. Even if you throw all the songs away, the story, whatever little is there, remains the same and it would make for a crisper watch. Actually, since the songs are so abrupt and loud (though peppy), releasing them separately as an album, not as a part of the film, would have been a wiser choice. But, it seems the makers were more concerned about showing everyone’s dance moves that they didn’t mind ingesting as many as seven tracks into the film. Watching Salman do those extremely cringe dance steps is no longer fun. They neither look good on screen nor do they make him look any good.

Farhad’s direction has never been his strength, and he does no better in KKBKKJ. Even if you overlook the flaws, you can’t get over the poor writing, especially with the dialogues that make Salman look so juvenile. The film that Farhad has co-written with Sparsh Khetarpal and Tasha Bhambra, has a poor racism joke and a shameless Pepsi plug and then endless one-liners that just come from nowhere and leave no lasting impact. There are countless cliches and you don’t even have to wait for them; they start as early as Salman’s entry scene – jumping from the top of a building, wearing his jacket mid-air and then having a funny exchange with the bad guys before he beats them to a pulp.

However, V. Manikandan’s cinematography is the saving grace here. The way he ensures a perfect setting for an action sequence with camera angles to capture the flying men, blood splashing on screen and the whole magic with slo-mo shots, is truly spectacular. Those are some seeti-maar and paisa vasool scenes. The metro fight scene just before the interval and the climax action sequence stand out and are definitely the high points of the film. In between, too, there is no dearth of action and you get to watch and enjoy as many as 5 such well-choreographed fight sequences. Here, I’d like to mention the brilliant hand-to-hand combat between Vijender and Salman, which gives you an adrenaline rush. Vijender, in his debut performance and that too as a baddie, is so confident and convincing, and quite dashing, too.

Salman is in top form and gave it his all in doing what he does best – raw action and full on drama. He is soft, vulnerable and kind in some portions, and turns outstandingly violent in some. And he looks good in both, barring that long hair! His camaraderie with his on-screen brothers moves you, and there is a bit of a humour that he is known to bring to his characters, which makes you smile. Another winning act is of Venkatesh – he is the calm amid all the chaos, and commands a strong screen presence. His scenes with Salman are endearing and even on his own, he steals a scene.

Among other guys, Raghav, Siddharth and Jassie get enough screen space to shine and show their action skills. All three of them have a great screen presence and even with Salman in the frame, they hold their ground. Talking of screen presence, Pooja Hedge, for some reason, has never impressed me. Her weak screen presence never lets her be that larger-than-life heroine, even though she has been paired opposite the most sought after male actors including Hrithik Roshan, Akshay Kumar, Prabhas and Ranveer Singh in her earlier outings. She tries too hard and goes overboard with her expressions, which starts to appear a bit annoying after a point. In KKBKKJ, her chemistry with Salman is negligible and as a South Indian woman, she struggles to look half as authentic.

The biggest complaint I have from KKBKKJ is how terribly it wasted the three debutants – Sukoon (Shehnaaz Gill), Muskaan (Palak Tiwari) and Chahat (Vinali Bhatnagar). They had a dialogue each in the first 20 mins and then for the next one hour, are nowhere to be seen. Disappointing really because Palak looked pretty confident while Shehnaaz won you over with her charm and innocence; Vinali is just about average in whatever little screen time she gets. But as an ensemble cast, it’s full of festive vibe, colourful outfits, a bit loud settings and everyone having fun dancing, singing and cracking jokes and a few bones, too.

There’s a line in Kisi Ka Bhai Kisi Ki Jaan that Salman’s character says more than once: “Jab dil, dimaag aur body bole ‘Bhai bas bhi karo’, I say, ‘Bring it on”. I wish, I could say the same, alas, that’s not happening! And brace yourself, for there’s a sequel coming for sure, sit back after end credits for that blink and miss hint. Till then, watch KKBKKJ and decide if it was your perfect Eid Mubarak gift.