I’m embarrassed how much I love my new Dyson. Materialism sucks

It’s embarrassing how excited I am about my new Dyson. It’s like the pinnacle of first-world accumulation: the fanciest vacuum on the market – a vacuum that doesn’t suck. I mean, it sucks; you know what I mean. It’s like the Tesla of the vacuum world. It even has a little screen that shows me exactly how many (millions? billions?) of particles of peanut butter toast and sand are being sucked up.

And then my husband asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I suddenly remembered the days when you would have to wait until Christmas to get a new bike or a pet dog, or even that Mariah Carey CD that cost $30 at Sanity. And I felt a twinge of sadness. There’s nothing I want or need that I haven’t already obtained during the year.

I’m more excited about the order from Shein than I am about getting Christmas presents. The growl of the postman’s bike on the street is like the pitter-patter of reindeer hooves on the roof. Daily tracking of the package. Will it arrive today or tomorrow?

We rarely hold back if we want a pair of shoes, a new jumper, or a vacuum cleaner. There are all sorts of payment plans and sales (Black Friday!) and free delivery that dangle the carrot over our heads.

One year at Christmas, my siblings and I – at a loss for what to buy each other – sat on the couch and transferred money to each other. It was at that point I realised the magic had faded.

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Our modern-day Christmas elves have moved from the North Pole into Amazon (wish) “fulfilment centres” around the world, working day and night to pack the boxes we open like kids at Christmas, any time of the year. The “unboxing” trend on YouTube – people filming themselves opening their packages from Amazon or Lululemon for the enjoyment of others – is so bizarre, it should make us stop and think how we got to this point. It’s like pornography for shopping addicts.

Adrian Hon, the creator of the app “Zombies, Run!” wrote in his recent book, You’ve Been Played, that Amazon fulfilment centre workers were given a digital pet, such as a flying dragon, which they could race around a course against another worker, according to how quickly they worked. It seems appropriate they play games while catering to the overgrown children waiting to have their smartwatch and hairdryer delivered yesterday.

Amazon workers staged protests around the world during Black Friday sales. There are always new stories about Amazon workers’ injuries, and the staff turnover rate is roughly 150 per cent a year.