As a result, the respect and empathy I have for all of those who remain on that wheel is endless. I promise with every fibre of my being to never moan about my lot again. I also promise I will do whatever I can to support charities offering research and hope to those less fortunate. Lest I ever forget.
Dying is the loneliest and most humbling of processes. Only you can go through it. No amount of sympathy can change your fate.
Another eye-opener was how my diagnosis affected those around me. My best and oldest friend raced to the hospital as soon as she heard me sob my diagnosis over the phone and wouldn’t leave my side (well, she did disappear occasionally to allegedly “look for a nurse” – her stifled sobs echoing down the hospital corridors). Others didn’t just offer unconditional love and support, they showed it. And some, while reporting to be devastated and “there for me”, I rarely, if ever, heard from again.
The take-home from this is that regardless of who you have by your side, dying is the loneliest and most humbling of processes. Only you can go through it. No amount of hand-holding or sympathy can change your fate. Death isn’t a baton race – no one else can take a lap. But damn, the support
of others means the world when you are looking down that barrel. Never have I been more grateful to be loved.
I have embraced this salient insight as an absolute gift. None of us are so special we aren’t going to die. What matters is not who you are but what you are – a mere consumer on the treadmill of life or someone who loves and gives at every opportunity. I choose the latter.
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Which is why, against all urging to sue the hospital for damages and retrieve some of the hefty medical expenses I incurred, I don’t think I will. Yes, depression could have seen me contemplate suicide. Yes, I could have done something rash. (I actually did buy a smaller apartment!) And yes, I could have severed ties with those who simply couldn’t emotionally handle my prognosis.
But I am way too thankful I am here for any such negativity. You see, I have work to do. I am so lucky to have a second chance to live a worthwhile life of giving and gratitude, I don’t plan to waste a minute of it.
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