Bruised, sweaty, intense: I played my first game of footy at the age of 25

I was familiar with performative and competitive pressure. But I’d never – not once in my life – physically bumped another person. Or had another person tackle me to the ground.

Loading

One of the main aims of performing on stage, particularly in ballet, aside from telling a story with your body, was to be aesthetically pleasing. And after spending so much of my formative years concerned with making my body as small and elegant as possible, there was something almost cathartic about the ugliness of football.

Especially among women. The mud mixed in with sweat, the yelling and aggressiveness, the physicality and way bodies would crash and fall.

After weeks of training, it came time for the preseason match against a neighbouring rival club. I was put in the backline – an interesting choice for someone 160 centimetres tall, in their first game with not a lot of bicep on them, but I hadn’t proved any goalkicking ability, nor was I good enough to go anywhere near the midfield.

The ball didn’t come down back a lot, so I spent most of the day wide-eyed running back and forth. And, by all normal means, it was an average game. Nothing special, I jarred my pinky and I probably got three touches all up. None of them effective.

Loading

But it meant a lot to me.

I did get hurt. My body bruised and I found there was grit within its soft tissues. I was not quite glass and not quite stone, and it felt liberating in a way I hadn’t known before.

I’ve since transitioned to mostly writing and reporting on games, rather than actually playing. I’ll fill in when my local team is short on numbers – the last game I played I scored from the pocket, so at least some signs of improvement – but that first season gave me newfound freedom in how I viewed my body, and self.

While not particularly strong in the physical sense, there was a toughness there. And each week, I still marvel at the power and hardiness of the women and non-binary athletes who take the field.

It can be brutal out there. And those players are as tough as nails.

The Opinion newsletter is a weekly wrap of views that will challenge, champion and inform your own. Sign up here.