A survivor who refused to be written off

As a child, whenever she saw herself in the mirror, Anmol Rodriguez didn’t find anything odd with her looks. She saw a cute little girl smiling back at her. And thankfully, this self-perception didn’t betray her when she grew up. In fact, it only became stronger and made her who she is today.

“You are not your face, right? The world may think my face was destroyed but it’s their perception. I’m comfortable with my face because my soul is unscathed. Give me any face and I’ll still fight and win” says Rodriguez.

Rodriguez was doused in acid by her father when she was just two months old. He wanted a son and the birth of a girl child enraged him. He poured acid on the infant and her mother with the intent to kill them. While the mother succumbed to the horrific attack, Rodriquez spent months in a hospital recuperating. She was then sent to an orphanage in Mumbai, where she grew up. “The orphanage is the only home I’ve ever had. When I was eighteen and had cleared class XII, I was asked to move out. Suddenly I was on my own with no one to stand by me. I had to learn to survive,” she says.

The orphanage did help her find a job in an MNC. “It was my first job and I was very excited to join my office. I walked in thinking that I would give my best. Since it was an MNC, I hoped that the people there would be liberal and sensitive,” she says.

Rodriguez’s colleagues were polite to her and it gave her the faith and confidence that she could do well there. She had no idea that while people were attempting to be nice to her and treat her like any other individual, her face was causing them extreme distress, as they later put it.

“It had been a few days…I was really happy. And then suddenly they called my orphanage to tell me not to come to work. I had no idea what led to this. The only explanation they could give was that my face made them uncomfortable. I haven’t grasped it till date how my looks could cause anyone discomfort,” says Rodriguez.

You are what you believe

Despite her confidence, the young girl was quite shaken up by this incident. “I think it affected me deeply because it was my first tryst with reality and such a shocking one,” she says.

While Rodriguez did part time jobs to survive, she had lost the confidence to apply anywhere for a regular job. That’s when a friend created her Facebook profile, suggesting that she connects with people to find a foothold. “Social media excited me and I would spend a lot of time scrolling Facebook. I made some friends as well, but my profile was different than everyone else’s…it didn’t have a profile photo,” she says.

Rodriguez was hesitant to upload her photograph because some people had told her that social media is far more unsparing than the real world.” They said I could get badly trolled if I showed my real self…I wondered why but I played safe keeping in account the experience that I had had in the MNC,” she says.

For months, Rodriguez didn’t put up a profile picture. And then one day, something in her told her that she should take the risk. “I finally uploaded a photograph. My heart was beating loudly. I was waiting for the first comment to pop up. And what happened was incredible! People had so much love to share. All I got was appreciation and encouragement. I was proved right that my face alone didn’t define me,” she says.

After that day, Rodriguez started posting her photographs regularly on Facebook. She loved fashion, so she would dress up, experiment with her makeup and hair and post her pictures. It gave her a lot of joy and helped her reclaim her confidence that had become a tad shaky.

Soon, Rodriguez created her Instagram profile. “I had no idea what it meant to be an influencer. I did it just for my passion for fashion. I love to pick up whatever catches my eye. I started styling my outfits creatively and showcasing the looks on Instagram. I was surprised when I started getting so many likes and my followers just kept on increasing,” she says. And within a few months of creating her profile, Rodriquez started getting messages from brands and photographers who wanted to shoot her.

“I love to be clicked, so I said yes. And shoots just kept coming my way,” she says. But all her shoots were unpaid in the beginning. It was only after a friend advised her to charge money that she realized that doing free shoots was not going to help her in the long run. “I was putting in a lot of effort, spending a lot of time shooting. It was hard work. So I started telling brands that I would charge them for my work. I wanted to take it up professionally,” she says.

Soon, brands started paying her for work. “I know it’s less than what others are earning but at least I’ve made a start. I hope things will improve,” says Rodriquez.

She calls out brands for using acid attack survivors as props, and forgetting their existence later on. “Brands use us because they believe we will help them get attention. It’s not fair to tokenize our pain. We are not mere stories, we have a real existence and that needs to understood and respected,” she believes.

With time, Rodriquez has also understood what it entails to be an influencer. “It comes with responsibilities, because so many people seek inspiration from me. The love and admiration that I get is very encouraging. I’m happy that I’m able to encourage others to be themselves unapologetically,” she says.

But she also has to face misplaced bitterness sometimes. “I once wore a bikini in Goa and posted my pictures. Some people commented that since I dress up provocatively, I must have invited the acid attack. They didn’t know my story. It was very heartless and made me sad. But then I let it go…I have to be brave to be out there on social media. I can’t always expect love, you have all sorts of users and I forgive them for their insensitivity,” says Rodriquez, who recently shifted from Mumbai to Satara in Maharashtra where she works in an engine equipment manufacturing company, along with doing part time shoots.

Having gained such deep insights into life at a young age, there is one message that Rodriquez has for those who dare to dream. “Don’t let others define you…I was addressed as a victim but I never saw myself as one,” says the girl who proved you are what you believe.