Will using Viagra ever be worth the wait?

My partner doesn’t know I use Viagra. The pill takes an hour to kick in but, in that time, she will go to sleep, get a headache or just lose the mood. Then I’m left with a “stranded asset” (an investment that has now lost its value). What should I do? Take matters into my own hand? Or ask the pharmacist for a refund?
Anon, Rozelle, NSW

A: What a coincidence. I just got a question from another Anon in Rozelle, NSW: “My partner no longer finds me sexy. Every time we start getting frisky, he says, ‘Can you just wait a bit?’, then disappears for an hour. In that time, I usually get bored and fall asleep. Or watch TV and get a headache. Or I start doing my tax returns and lose the mood. Then I’m left with a “depreciating asset” (an investment used to produce income, but now has a declining value). What should I do? Take matters into my own hand? Or visit the pharmacist and buy him some Viagra?”

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Of course, this is not a real question. I made it up to show you that your partner must be feeling equally frustrated by the situation: nobody wants to stop at the beginning of a frisky session. It completely kills the vibe, like turning on a raunchy, late-night SBS movie, but first there’s a news break with Peter Dutton addressing the National Press Club.

You’re causing the problem by keeping your Viagra use a secret, and both of you could wind up having to take matters into your own hands, permanently. Just be honest with your partner. Viagra’s no big deal. Then you can both learn to pre-plan frisky sessions and wait out the hour as a couple: “Okay, pill swallowed … oven-timer set … one hour and counting … hey, let’s do our tax returns!”

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