Why it’s time to normalise grieving the loss of a pet

When Michelle’s beloved dog, Hachiko, passed away 10 months ago, she was bereft. For the first time in 11 years, the 41-year-old program manager was at home without the companionship of her beloved four-legged friend. “I’ve never felt so alone in my whole life,” she says through tears.

Yet when she tells people how she’s faring, she’s sometimes wounded by how quickly they brush aside her feelings. While some acknowledge her loss, others quickly follow it up with questions about whether she’s going to get another dog.

“That hurts the most,” Michelle says. “No one would ever say to someone who’s lost their husband, ‘So, are you going to get another boyfriend?’ ” While not comparing the loss of her dog to that of a person, she says the idea she could “replace” Hachiko is unfathomable.

Research from 2021 found that Michelle’s experiences are far from unique. The study looked at women aged over 55 who’d lost a pet and discovered many of them chose to grieve alone, worried about other people’s reactions to their loss.

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“One of the women was told, ‘Oh come on, it’s just an animal,’ ” says a co-author of the research, Cary Brown, of Canada’s University of Alberta. “So instead of normalising the grief and being able to talk about it, they shut down and feel worse.”

Renee Magri’s own grief at the loss of her beloved boxer, Buckley, in Melbourne five years ago was the catalyst for her becoming a pet-loss bereavement counsellor and launching her business, Forever in My Heart Pet Loss Counselling.

Magri was taken aback by how common it is for people to belittle the pain of grieving a pet. “It can be very much a ‘disenfranchised grief’,” she says.

“Essentially, that encompasses not getting the recognition and acknowledgement that it so truly deserves.”