Why being an empty-nester is not my idea of fun

Much is made of the liberation being an empty-nester brings. All that freedom, a cleaner house, being better off financially. If only it were that simple. I have been an empty-nester for over a decade. I am yet to discover the so-called advantages.

Sure I’ve had greater freedom, more time to be me, done different things, travelled more. Still, being an empty-nester does not necessarily equate with the assumed launching into new-found happiness. In fact, it’s overrated.

According to the Australian Seniors October 2018 report, 51.4 per cent of respondents over 50 found there were significant benefits while 41.1 per cent were less enthusiastic and in fact “sad” to see young adults leave the family home. This is not an insignificant percentage of those experiencing a kind of grief.

Moreover, the report found that the “Empty-Nest Syndrome” where negative responses outweigh positive, is more common in women, 49.4 per cent as opposed 31.4 per cent of men. This discrepancy is explained by the occurrence that mothers have traditionally more time with their children growing up. A reality that was evident in our household.

Meanwhile, when one achieves empty-nest status, and seven out of 10 Australians over 50 do, it means that one’s offspring are reaching the next welcome stage of their lives; what’s not to love about that?

When I first took my son to his university college, I realised that this was the long goodbye. He would become someone else. Being an only child the absence was total. I was not one of the 58 per cent who feel that when children move out of home, having the place to yourself is a positive. In simple terms, I missed him. His mother, as a means of managing his departure, undertook extensive voluntary work.

There is little more evocative of absence than going into a teenager’s bedroom and knowing that particular scent of belonging. Then there is the quietness. In this, I would caution those parents who are just waiting for the day when they have the house to themselves.

Sure there is more time, and you may develop a hobby, see your friends more, go out more, play more sport, have more disposable income, travel and even be part of the 26 per cent who discover that they are looking after their appearance more. It palls.