Why are we still shocked by infidelity? Most of us cheat

In the past couple of weeks, the internet has exploded with two infidelity “scandals”. Adam Levine, an American singer, has admitted to cheating on his wife, Victoria’s Secret model Behati Prinsloo, with at least one Instagram influencer (and, possibly, several Instagram influencers). Ned Fulmer, one of the YouTube comedy foursome The Try Guys, has been fired from the group for having an extramarital relationship with a colleague.

The columns and memes and Instagram posts have run into hundreds of thousands of words. I, for one, am baffled by the coverage.

Why is infidelity so widely reported? More to the point, why is it considered so “scandalous”? Infidelity has been around as long as marriage. Every single week – hell, pretty much every day – there is a new cheating revelation. There is always some sportsperson or politician or actor or musician or pastor caught out with someone who is not their spouse. Google “celeb cheating” and you will find millions of articles about the “biggest celebrity cheating scandals” or “18 celebrities who have cheated on their partners” or “11 times celebs have been caught cheating”.

Australia is as rife with tales of extramarital affairs as any other country. Sportsmen like Darius Boyd, Tim Paine and the late, great Shane Warne were all unfaithful. Our ex-deputy PM Barnaby Joyce cheated on his wife and then married his lover. Our own new King cheated on the Princess of Wales, and the woman he cheated with is now our Queen consort!

Just this week, two married chaplains working at a Sydney school were forced to resign when their relationship became public. Next week, there will be another cheating admission. When will the public stop being so shocked?

It is challenging, for obvious reasons, to get exact statistics on infidelity, but we do know that it is extremely common. Most estimates indicate that around 60 per cent of men and 45 per cent of women have cheated in some form during their marriage, and that 70 per cent of all marriages will experience a physical or emotional affair at some point. According to Ashley Madison, a dating website for married people (“Life is Short, Have an Affair”), Australia is the sixth most unfaithful country in the world, behind the USA, Brazil, Canada, the UK, and Mexico.

You may think infidelity is immoral and appalling, but that won’t change the stats. Infidelity is so widespread as to be completely unremarkable. Is owning a home shocking? About the same number of people experience infidelity as own a home in this country (67 per cent). Is having a university degree shocking? More people cheat than have a university degree (50.2 per cent). Are meat pies shocking? The same number of Australians cheat as eat a meat pie every month (70 per cent).

Regular people cheat for all sorts of reasons, including boredom, to gain validation, or because they want more intimacy and sex. Celebrities cheat for all the same reasons, with the added incentive of having many more opportunities. Being rich and famous and attractive opens up plenty of (bedroom) doors, so why are we surprised when the celebrities walk through them and take their clothes off, time and time again?