Two minutes with Danny Katz: Dealing with the awkwardness of bumping into people

Q: I find it awkward when I bump into people I know while out walking or shopping. I’m just not great at small talk and my awkwardness transfers to the other person who, to be honest, probably doesn’t want to have the conversation either. Any solutions?
S.S., Annandale, NSW

A: I’ve got the opposite, but equally awkward, problem where I’ll bump into people I think I know and say, “Hey, hi!” and smile like an idiot, then realise I don’t know them at all – they just look like people I know, in the sense that they have eyes and ears and a nose.

So they stand there staring back, trying to work out if they know me, then we both decide we don’t know each other and walk off in directions we didn’t want to go in, just so we don’t bump into each other again. It can ruin a good hour of a perfectly pleasant outing.

While your problem is the product of extreme shyness, mine comes from extreme short-sightedness: even with my glasses on, anyone standing more than 10 metres from my face is just a large bipedal pineapple in a rubber fish suit.

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But both of our problems can be solved with a simple solution: avoid bumping into anyone, at all times, anywhere. Try walking around with your head down like some kind of hunched, deranged maniac or a stand-up comedian heading to a gig and desperately working on jokes – same thing.

Or walk around with your head tilted up, like a poet contemplating the birds and the clouds and the undying universe, with quick, occasional down-peeks so you don’t step into oncoming traffic. Or just hide yourself completely: wear a face mask, beanie and sunglasses and hopefully nobody will recognise you from your tiny patch of exposed forehead with its anxiously undulating eyebrows.

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