The second half of Sex Points moves away from diagnosis and towards solutions: the multiple tools and strategies that women can use to boost their sex points and increase their sexual pleasure. Some of these tools require medical intervention, others are techniques to work on alone or with a partner, but all involve a holistic, multi-dimensional approach.
Marcus unpacks the intricacies of sexual desire in long term relationships – how distance and tension can ignite passion, and familiarity can quash it. Unlike many couples counsellors, she is vigorously opposed to the idea that a good sex life requires only emotional intimacy, communication, and behaviour, ‘as if all your partner needed to do to fill you with desire was cover the bed in rose petals or do the dishes.’ She believes, however, that women may need to give up some of their romantic ideas about sex to develop a more ‘grown up’ understanding about sex and the role it will play.
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Throughout Sex Points, Marcus calmly destigmatises and normalises vaginas and the female sexual response. There is no such thing as a ‘weird’ way of masturbating, no fantasies or desires are taboo, everything is normal and OK, and absolutely nothing is shocking. This is the great gift of the book, along with Marcus’s non-negotiable belief that every single woman is entitled to sexual pleasure. In a culture in which women’s sexual fulfilment is deprioritised, and the female orgasm is considered a bonus and not a right, this is a revolutionary stance.
Sex Points is fascinating, but never salacious or titillating; it is a practical, warm, and optimistic manual for people with vaginas and their partners. “Good sex is possible for everyone, at every age, in every situation,” Marcus writes. “And there’s a solution for everyone.”
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Reclaim Your Sex Life with the Revolutionary Multi-Point System, by Dr Bat Sheva Marcus is out now (Hachette, 2021).
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