Rupert Murdoch and Jerry Hall: What happens after an email break-up

“Because, whether you like it or not, your lives will be entwined for quite some time afterwards,” says Cavenett, of people whose marriages are severed in this manner. “You’ve still got to negotiate financial separation and settlement.”

Not to mention, she says, that anything you put in writing can be used in divorce hearings.

“It is often used, especially in custody hearings, as proof of interactions, or things [that have been] agreed to,” she says of written communication. “So I would encourage anyone, whether verbally or written, to really weigh up the words that they choose and the way they do it. If you don’t want [what you write] to be public knowledge, don’t email it… It’s an easy [thing to] forward.”

So how should someone respond if they’ve been broken up with by text or email?

“Remember that you don’t have to buy into it,” says Shaw. “You’ve got an option to say, ‘Well, I want a conversation.’ Even if you feel written off, you don’t have to agree that you’re written off. You can still try and put forward options that are useful to you.”

And take some time to process the message before responding to it, says Cavenett.

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“Because you’re likely to be responding to a million thoughts and emotions that are going through you at the time,” she says. “If you send a 20-page emotional response [via email], they’re not going to hear some of the things that are important to you.” Because, she adds, such a response will likely feel like a personal attack.

As for those who opt to sever their relationship without uttering a word?

Shaw has heard their reasons. “Sometimes they’ll say, ‘Well, I thought it would be kinder to give them warning in writing, so they’ve got time to think about it.’”

But she says an email notifying someone of a breakup is only preferable to a verbal discussion if a person has tried “in every other possible way” to discuss the breakdown of the relationship with their partner, to no effect, or conversations have gotten out of hand. “But not as the primary missive on the topic.”

So, the best practice template for text and email break-ups: “Allow [the other person] an opportunity to, ideally, speak to you at some point verbally so they can get out any of those last questions that they have on their minds,” says Cavenett.

Otherwise, says Shaw, a person is just “taking the coward’s way out”. “They’re kind of hoping the person takes their wounds off to their friends, and they don’t have to deal with the mess.”

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