REVIEW: Wishful thinking doesn’t make new ‘Pinocchio’ any better

Unfortunately, the live-action “Pinocchio,” directed by Robert Zemeckis, doesn’t come close to the animated original.

Much of the love (and artistic surprise) has been sanded off in an attempt to make the story relevant.

Here, the wooden puppet (voiced by Benjamin Evan Ainsworth) is enamored with celebrity and doesn’t see what his wanton ways do to Gepetto (Tom Hanks), the clockmaker who carved him.

Before he barely gets a chance to wish upon a star, he’s whisked off on an adventure that seems truncated at best. Troubling situations don’t lead to more troubling situations, they just unfold randomly.

Also, new songs have been added which dim the wattage of the original ones. Bad lyrics stand out, particularly when they’re in proximity of the real deal. Similarly, dumb jokes (there’s one about Chris Pine that just lays there) don’t make this any less painful.

Zemeckis, long an advocate for animating actors, at least leaves some characters to the professionals. Pinocchio looks like his animated predecessor; Monstro resembles something from Netflix’s “The Sea Beast.” And Jiminy Cricket – that conscience always at Pinocchio’s side – has a carved appearance that might have inspired a Jim Shore Christmas decoration.

Luckily, Joseph Gordon-Levitt voices Jiminy. He’s respectful and doesn’t really buy into the new film’s mentality.

While much of Pleasure Island looks like a ride that should be greenlit at Disney World, it chews up much of the film’s running time. That means other moments are shortened – particularly those with Hanks. He’s fine as Gepetto (even though he doesn’t attempt an accent) but he’s not around often enough to make a difference. Even the Blue Fairy (Cynthia Erivo) has a hit-and-run impact.

Other characters (presumably to get more names in the cast) have been added. They counsel from the sidelines but with Jiminy around, they’re merely set dressing.

Zemeckis knows how to make this look good, he just doesn’t know when to pull back. Cuckoo clocks in Gepetto’s workshop boast plenty of contemporary Disney characters (including his own Roger Rabbit). That’s cute – to a point – but it takes the audience out of the moment and into some wink/wink world of remakes.

What made the original “Pinocchio” so special was the way Disney invented new techniques to tell an old story. He kept the pace up, too, and didn’t worry how it might land with younger audiences. Of all the classic Disney films, his “Pinocchio” was the best. It took animation to another level and suggested kids could handle adult themes just as well as their parents.

This one tries too hard to be relevant for an audience of influencers. That pandering undercuts a stronger message and leaves older audiences wanting to see the original.

If you have a chance to catch that masterpiece, do.

Disney’s original “Pinocchio” carved a niche that Zemeckis’ remake can’t fill.