Mrunal Thakur reveals she had suicidal thoughts, would feel like jumping off train

Actor Mrunal Thakur opened up about the lows in her life and how she battled suicidal thoughts at a young age. She said that she convinced her parents with great difficulty to do a Bachelor of Mass Media (BMM) course and when it was not satisfying for her, she was filled with self-doubt. It did not help matters that she was staying in a hostel, away from her family.

In an interview, Mrunal said that her parents wanted her to become a dentist but she was inclined towards crime journalism or something where she could come on TV. She convinced her parents very hard to let her study BMM.

Speaking to YouTuber Ranveer Allahbadia, Mrunal said in Hindi, “There were a lot of responsibilities as well. At that time, I used to think that if I didn’t do this well, I would be nowhere. I thought I would be married off at 23 and have kids, and that is exactly what I did not want. I wanted to do something different and I would give auditions back then. There were many points where I felt like I was good for nothing.”

Mrunal said that the age from 15 to 20 is ‘crucial’ as people are trying to find themselves. She added that those who had not yet figured out what it is they want to do tend to feel low and have suicidal thoughts. On being asked if she went through something similar, she said, “I used to travel by local trains. I used to stand at the door and sometimes, I would feel like jumping off.”

Talking about the reason behind such thoughts, Mrunal said that she thought BMM would be her ‘cup of tea’ but she was unhappy. “When you choose a course, it looks very fun on the outside but until you do it, you don’t realise that you didn’t sign up for this, this is something else. That is what was happening with me. I am a creative person. I can’t write scripts. There was a subject called literature… I don’t like reading, I am more of a listener, I like watching things. I used to feel, ‘What did I sign up for?’ There was that self-doubt. I was staying away from my family. At the age of 17-18, living alone in a city like Mumbai is not easy. You have to take care of your rent and food. You have to account for every rupee. And because my father is a banker, if I withdrew even ₹500 from my account, he would get to know,” she added. 

Also read: Mrunal Thakur says she was ‘treated in a certain way’ as a newcomer, cried at home afterwards

Mrunal started her journey on television with shows such as Mujhse Kuchh Kehti…Yeh Khamoshiyaan and Kumkum Bhagya before transitioning to films. She has acted in films such as Super 30, Batla House, Toofaan and Dhamaka.

If you need support or know someone who does, please reach out to your nearest mental health specialist. Helplines: Aasra: 022 2754 6669; Sneha India Foundation: +914424640050 and Sanjivini: 011-24311918