Kids ‘believe they can’t go’ to school: What to do about school refusal

When she did join a group of friends, she encountered bullying behaviour at school that continued after hours on social media. Some mornings, Samara became so distressed at the prospect of going to school that she threatened self-harm. In all, she missed 55 days of school in 2022. Michelle draws a direct line between the COVID-19 school closures and Samara’s refusal to go to school. “School is a routine,” she says. “Suddenly, they get two years where there’s no expectation [to go].”

What is school refusal?

School refusal is a behavioural issue where a young person refuses to go to school and stays home with a parent’s consent, however grudgingly given. The child might cry, hide or complain of feeling ill in their attempt to avoid going to school, and often it’s a recurring problem.

John Chellew, a social worker who runs the School Refusal Clinic in Melbourne, says school avoidance can stem from anxiety about leaving the home caused by a combination of factors including social, emotional, behavioural and academic problems.

It’s not the case that children “won’t go to school, but believe they can’t,” he says. “[They] feel they should go, and often they want to go … but they just feel overwhelmed with the social and academic demands of school.”

Contributing to school refusal is an uptick in anxiety among young people, a trend exacerbated by the COVID-19 pandemic. “[Today] there are a lot more young people who are experiencing problems with mental health,” says Professor Jennie Hudson, Director of Research at the Black Dog Institute.

Frustratingly for experts, the prevalence of school refusal is hard to measure due to a lack of reliable data. School absences are up, “but we have no idea why that is,” says Professor Hudson.

Anecdotally, school refusal is increasing. The peer-run ‘School Can’t’ Facebook group, for example, has grown from 900 members in June 2019 to 7700 today. The waitlist at the School Refusal Clinic has also ballooned since the return of face-to-face learning, says Chellew.

“I’ve had 30 referrals in the last two or three days … I’m being flooded with desperate parents who are pulling their hair out wondering what to do, and trying to get help.”

What should parents do?

“The first thing is to talk to your child to try to understand … the cause of the problem rather than reacting to the behaviour, which is usually a symptom,” says Chellew, who also advises monitoring kids’ sleep habits and screen time, which can impact their mental health.

Professor Hudson advises seeking help early and establishing a conversation between parents, the school and external service providers, such as a psychologist, “so that everybody’s working together to support the young person to get back to school”.

A return-to-school plan can be gradual. What doesn’t work is the threat of punishment, says Professor Hudson. “The idea that if they don’t go, they’re going to get in trouble just adds to the anxiety.”

While Samara hasn’t been officially diagnosed with anxiety, she sees a private counsellor. Support from her school has been limited, but Michelle says there is talk of Samara joining a peer mentorship program. “I’ll probably need to follow up to make sure it happens,” she says.

Names have been changed at the family’s request.

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