I’ve given up drinking and am pissed about how I feel

A friend recently told me that when he gave up drinking he was constantly pressured by others to cave in or “just have one”. Frustrated, he told me: “But alcohol is a drug and since when is it OK to try and pressure people to take drugs? Would you do that with heroin or cocaine? ‘Come on, it’s Friday arvo, have some with me, to take the edge off a hard-working week. A hard-earned thirst needs a big long line!’”

When did it become OK for those who have snubbed sauvignon blanc for good to replace it with sipping their own Kool-Aid while using every platform possible to tell others to stop drinking?

You may be wondering why I’m disclosing my current alcohol-free status (21 days, 16 hours, 20 minutes and 47 seconds). I’m doing it as part of my 40-day sacrifice for Lent. (The Lenten offering is a spiritually motivated voluntary renunciation of a luxury or pleasure observed by many Christians in the lead up to Easter.)

But I’m going to be honest – and Jesus Christ will probably be far less impressed with this motivation – I also want to demonstrate that there is a far less noble and much more problematic way of giving up alcohol.

Life is better after 2.5 drinks. In social settings I now find myself standing suspiciously close to strangers as they drink a beer, longing etched on my face as I stare at their social lubricant of choice. And while I clearly won’t be launching an inspiring podcast, or joining a Sunday morning running group called something annoying like Spring in Our Step! … I do have other plans. I’m considering taking up other vices in the interim, such as dabbling in online investment scams and experimenting with street graffiti (look out for my tag ‘bored AF’).

Loading

“I quit drinking and then I lost friends,” a recent blog headline bemoaned. The post unpacked what the author felt was a direct correlation between the length of time she turned down booze to the size of her dwindling friendship circle. Perhaps the friendship losses were less about saying no to alcohol and more about the boring banter and near-evangelical zeal to convert people to the sober side. I can’t be entirely sure. I’m just spitballing and trying to be helpful.

I’m far more interested in hearing about how people are drinking in moderation or modestly giving up alcohol. If not, make the sober story entertaining, like a reality-TV dating show, where instead of roses being handed out, to their horror, contestants get given a glass of alcohol-free prosecco and have to deal with rejection stone-cold sober.

Pass me a double soda water on ice (no straw, thanks) as I pass the time … 21 days, 16 hours, 40 minutes and 21 seconds …