7: Cycle lanes with usage data. I’m not anti-cyclist, I’m really not. I wish I had a bottom as good as theirs. But how about we publish the data about the use of each cycle path. Some paths, particularly in the inner city, would come up trumps. Hurrah! But I have driven in my car – yes, I know, I’m a total bastard – alongside 20 kilometres of bike track without seeing a single rider, mostly on account that the path doesn’t lead anywhere.
8: A breakage fund for kids. My policy is based on Perrottet’s “future fund”. Like his scheme, the government puts $400 each year into a special account for every child. The difference: when the kid turns 18 the parent gets to present a log of claims, seizing back money equal to all the things their kid broke, lost or damaged. The lost sun-hats alone would account for most of the expected $49,000.
9: No police laying in wait on the bit of road where everyone speeds. The reason that everyone gets caught at this precise point is that the speed limit is counter-intuitive. It’s just shifted down 10 km/h for no good reason. The solution is to fix the sign, not to make money out of the government’s own mistake.
10: More dreamy blue ceilings on the NorthConnex. Oh man, I love them. It’s so much fun when there are those blue bits with the night stars. If we could only have it for the whole distance. And in every tunnel. Damn the budget deficit and consider the lift to the state’s mood.
11: Sell off Sydney Water. Sorry, I’ve mistyped. I mean, Sell Sydney Water. Refillable glass bottles of the stuff. It’s so delicious, so much better than all that muck from France. We can then use the profits to pay off the deficit.
12: Ban Uber. It was better when we had a proper taxi fleet.
So vote for me early, and vote for me often. I might not change the speed limit on the WestConnex or lower the level of the Parramatta River, but life under my government will be so much better.
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