Humans ask for help every couple of minutes, and we mainly say yes

Guessing that happens at an intense level at dinner time.

That’s not just in English-speaking cultures. The study used participants from around the world: England, Italy, Poland, Russia and the villages of rural Ecuador, Ghana, Laos, and Aboriginal Australia. It was the same everywhere. Earlier research might have said we were constantly cross and unhelpful – and that specific cultural norms moderated how we behaved. This new data shows that at the micro-scale of our daily lives, people everywhere pitch in no matter where they are from.

“This human tendency to help others when needed — and to explain when such help can’t be given — transcends other cultural differences,” says Enfield.

The study, which involved a number of universities and was led by the University of Sydney and UCLA, was published in Nature Scientific Reports. It shows our reliance on each other for help is constant – and we say yes. On the rare occasions when we say no, we explain why.

“We did find that if people said no, they are careful to give a reason or explain. We found that heavy reliance on others and compliance is universal,” says Enfield.

Which is exactly what Hayley Conway of Geelong found. Conway is 22 and is part of a blended family. All up, she has four brothers and five sisters and on top of that, three nieces and one nephew. How did she get on with her siblings?

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“We did quite all right. I tell mum we are very lucky to have the family we have. We would drop everything for each other and do whatever we need to do,” she says.

“I’ve even had my siblings come to work with me and help me for big events.”

But is that just for the big important things, not the little ways we make our daily lives more comfortable?

No. That works too. “We used to take turns cooking each night and help the younger ones out… Mum is grateful for how we get along. We are all really good friends. We would say we are best friends.”

Only one group was a little less likely to say yes at first request. Macquarie University’s Joe Blythe found that the Murrinhpatha speakers of northern Australia ignore small requests more than others, but only up to about one-quarter of the time.

“A relatively higher tolerance for ignoring small requests may be a culturally evolved solution to dealing with “humbug” — pressure to comply with persistent demands for goods and services,” says Blythe.

Still, Murrinhpatha speakers comply with small requests about two-thirds of the time and reject requests on about one in ten occasions.

And that’s a damn good way to deal with family members who can’t or won’t take no for an answer. We’ve all been there.

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