How TikTok, sobriety and pandemic break-ups are changing dating

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A survey by Hinge found three out of four of its users no longer prefer going out for drinks as a first date and Generation Z (born 1996-2010) are more likely than Millennials (also known as Generation Y, born 1981-1995) to prefer alcohol-free first dates. Almost one in three Generation Z Hinge users say they have zero drinks on an average date.

The pandemic has also brought an older demographic back to dating because of a rise in separations and divorce.

Figures from dating app Bumble suggest 42 per cent of its Australian users have exited a serious relationship or marriage in the past two years. Of those, 36 per cent are using dating apps for the first time.

Lucille McCart, Bumble’s Asia Pacific communications director, said Generation X (born 1966-1980) often used incognito mode, a feature that provides control over who sees your profile.

“There’s an incorrect assumption that Gen X women who are divorced are wanting to jump back into another serious relationship, but actually, being on dating apps allows them to date casually,” McCart said.

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”There isn’t that pressure to be in a relationship if you’ve had your family [already] and now you have the opportunity to …have new experiences.”

One woman, 44, from the Bankstown area, said dating apps did not exist last time she was single, back in 2000. She left her marriage last year, “definitely a COVID casualty”, and asked to be anonymous out of respect to her ex and their children.

“It was hard at first to get the hang of what works in the first messages, and how to work out if they are compatible,” she said.

She is dating both men and women, mostly meeting for coffee. She finds social media helpful because she can research the person online.

But some younger users point to the downsides of apps and social media.

Philips said “people feel a lot more judgmental these days” than when she was last dating three or four years ago. She believes that’s because of relationship content on social media, including TikTok videos such as “when he’s a five out of 10 but he has a great family”.

“Social media has created a lot of relationship trends, like ‘situationships’ [people who are not yet dating] and ‘icks’, so I think there’s a lot more pressure on people in that dating phase,” Philips said.

She recently joined Bumble, having met previous partners in real life, and has been overwhelmed by the number of conversations and dating opportunities on offer but sometimes feels “superficial” for making snap judgments.

One twenty-something, who wanted to be anonymous for professional reasons, said apps shortened people’s attention spans and lowered the stakes for a date by creating the false impression of endless options.

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