A few weeks ago, the US border reopened to most of the world, but in an age of PCR tests and paperwork, international travel remains daunting. Instead of packing my bags, I’m venturing out to restaurants for a slice of life in another place. After so many months of eating at home, the experience is akin to visiting a foreign country. Hooray for restaurants! Here are three things I missed about them – and three elements of dining out that I didn’t miss at all.
The Brothers Grimm wish they could spin a yarn as magical was waiters helping you choose a wine do.Credit:Getty Images
1. Talking about wine
I love everything about the ritual of choosing a wine, starting with a waiter in a paisley waistcoat asking if you prefer your pinot noir floral, or “on the Burgundian end of the spectrum”. This is definitely something you have an answer for. Then comes the spiel. You know the one.
“This wine comes from the top of a craggy rock off the coast of Albania, where yodelling octogenarian monks hand-press grapes under a full moon on Wednesdays.” The Brothers Grimm wish they could spin a yarn this magical. Time to break out the Gewürztraminer, boys.
2. Hearing about “Chef”
Big decisions, for me, come easy. It’s choosing between chicken or fish that’s hard, which is why I’m so grateful to hear from the mastermind in the kitchen, invoked only as “Chef”. Chefs deserve to be addressed in such a way – along with doctors, nurses and conductors – because what they do is superhuman.
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A journalist considers it a good day when she’s written one story. A chef churns out multiple entrées and then has to turn her attention to main courses. Naturally, she’s going to feel more proud of some of them than others. Getting that intel from wait staff is priceless, especially when it’s delivered in a stage whisper: “Chef loves the filet.” It also prevents POR, or Post-Order Regret, an acute condition triggered by others in the party receiving much better-looking dishes.
3. Bread baskets
No one ever sits down to dinner at home and thinks, “I’m going to slowly work through half a baguette before my actual dinner.” But that’s allowed at a restaurant, because a basket of carbs is plopped down on the table and it would be rude not to eat them.
4. Not doing dishes
This one seems obvious.
No one ever ordered a seafood tower off their phone, I guarantee it.
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