EXCLUSIVE| Farhan Akhtar and Shibani on their first Christmas after marriage: It felt permanent from the third date’

He’s ready on time, she takes a teensy bit longer. As we enter the sprawling Mumbai house of actors Farhan Akhtar and Shibani Dandekar, we are greeted by Tyson and Jimmy, who take their time in warming up to us, unlike their pet parents.

The two soon complete a year of getting married (February 21), and celebrate their first Christmas together. and much like the warm, intimate vibes their wedding had, they prefer their Christmas to be that too. Excerpts from an exclusive chat with the much-in love couple over a hot cup of Joe, right besides their Xmas tree and furbabies:

First Christmas after getting married, any special plans?

Farhan: We will go for a lunch at her sister’s (Anusha) house, and then for a lunch at my mom and sister’s (Honey Irani and Zoya Akhtar). Just family time.

Do you remember your first ever Christmas together?

Farhan: Tell him, when Santa came and left me under the Christmas tree for you!

Shibani: It was very memorable. We had a Christmas dinner with his huge group of 30-35 friends.

Do you two remember the first time you met? How did it all begin?

Farhan: I met Shibani on a show I was hosting, and she was a contestant. It was a very formal introduction of two people working together. But over a period of time, we sporadically stayed in touch on Facebook and Instagram. This was 2015. I don’t think we sparked any kind of friendship until 2017. It was very gradual, not instant. It took us a while to know each other and become friends. We had no clue about each other.

Shibani: We hadn’t even met in social circles before, we had just heard about each other.

And as you started talking, what was your first impression about the other person?

Shibani: I thought he was an introvert, very quiet. That can also be misunderstood as maybe a little snooty. But it is absolutely not that because once you get to know him, you understand he is reserved, and not somebody who can just have a full-flowing conversation with anybody. It takes him a lot of time.

Farhan: You mean socially awkward, that’s true. She can answer on my behalf, she knows what I felt about her when I met her. Please tell them darling!

Shibani: Absolutely incredible, sparkling personality, worldly wise…

Farhan: (cuts in) He is asking what did I think about you, not the other way round (laughs) I was struck by this very cool, laid back attitude that Shibani had. A very easy demeanour, which to me was very attractive and interesting. When we spent time with each other, her cool, warm attitude was so far removed… I found that very different.

You seem like an extrovert, and Farhan the opposite. A classic case of opposites attract, isn’t it?

Shibani: We are very different in terms of our personalities, but over time we discovered we had so much in common. We are both homebodies, love to go to the gym, love the arts. We express differently.

Who forgets the important dates?

Shibani: I don’t think none of us do, and he’s not allowed to! I actually have our wedding date tattooed on my arm (shows us the tattoo)

What was that point when you decided this is the right time to take the plunge?

Farhan: It felt right. But she wasn’t prepared for it, me asking her!

Shibani: We always knew on some level, also with the way our relationship happened, that there was never any ‘let’s date and see where this is going’ From maybe the third-fourth date, it felt it was permanent, without having discussion of where are we headed. Although I wasn’t really thinking about marriage, or that I would have any relationship after this one, we always knew this is it. In my head, the commitment was there. When he asked me for marriage, I was pleasantly taken aback.

When you were dating, you were constantly asked the wedding question. Did that put any kind of pressure on you, or speed up things?

Farhan: Not at all. The chatter discussion, debate, noise, whatever you want to call it, around you is a part and parcel which comes with what you do. In all fairness, there is a majority of people out there, who because of your work, are invested in you. When they see that you’re in a happy place, they want something which is good for you. When they ask you when do they hear wedding bells, it is coming from a good place. But it’s not pressure. At no point did it compel me to do something earlier than I would have.

Shibani: We don’t operate that way either. We aren’t affected by things which we are supposed to do. If we want to get married we will, if not then we won’t.

Farhan: It’s too late for that now!

Social media can be a nasty place. How do you not let the negativity there affect your relationship, how do you isolate it from that?

Shibani: By doing just that, isolating. On some level, when you are putting things out there, epsecially about your private life, you make that choice. You cannot expect everybody to just say nice things, we don’t live in that world anymore. What you allow to affect you, is in your control. I read nasty comments about myself and my relationship all the time. It doesn’t define or affect my relationship.

Is there anything you would want to change about each other?

Farhan: I don’t actually.

Shibani: You are saying I am perfect?

Farhan: No. I know it’s Christmas time, but let’s not push it that far also! (laughs) She is perfect for me, to me, as she is. There is nothing I would change, because the reason I love her is I want to be with her for exactly the way she is.

Shibani: There is one thing, which cancels itself out. He is not at all a multitasker…

Farhan: No one would believe you! (laughs)

Shibani: I know he’s an actor, director, writer, singer, but he cannot multitask. My mom said that’s why he has such incredible focus on the things he does. If he is busy doing something and I try to talk to him, he won’t look. It is frustrating, why can’t he just look up and answer my question? On the flip side, he has the ability to focus on something and block the entire world out. I can’t do that. It’s the reason what makes him, him.

Farhan: So basically there is nothing you would want to change!