Everything with my three-year-old is becoming a battle. How do I fix it?

“Do you want to brush your own teeth or would you rather me brush them?” Accept either answer, and prepare that your preschooler will say no to both. If the child says no, you can say: “Got it. We will do it in the morning.” Then move on to the next task. By dropping your end of the rope, you are making clear that you aren’t going to argue, cajole, bribe, yell or fight, and frankly, I would rather see some dirty teeth than the epic meltdowns that happen before bed that can hurt your relationship and keep the fights going.

As you stop your end of the argument, your child will quickly pick up that this is not a place to connect, and they will simply brush their teeth. Seriously. No one believes it, but once we stop all the behavioural shenanigans, our children want to be cooperative, helpful and kind. Again – our culture will tell you differently, but unless your child’s life is on the line, you don’t need to fight about everything. Boundaries exist to keep you and your child safe, as well as the routines flowing. But see their tears as the necessary outlet of frustration, not a behavioural problem.

To help you, pick up Deborah MacNamara’s book Rest, Play, Grow, as well as Mona Delahooke’s Brain-Body Parenting. Both books will steer you toward understanding your child better and, because parenting preschoolers can be so tiring, please look into joining a group (online or in person) that can support you, make you laugh and maybe make you cry a little. Good luck.

Meghan Leahy is the mother of three daughters and the author of Parenting Outside the Lines. She holds a bachelor’s degree in English and secondary education and a master’s degree in school counselling and is a certified parent coach.

This article first appeared in The Washington Post.