Depp v. Heard: No One Wins in a Toxic Relationship

Actor Johnny Depp’s defamation lawsuit against his ex-wife, the actress Amber Heard, noted that she referred to herself as a “public figure representing domestic abuse” in an op-ed piece that she wrote for the Washington Post. While she didn’t explicitly mention Depp’s name, he is arguing it was implied by the time frame of the alleged abuse and thus defamatory, claiming that he has never been physical with her.

Heard is counter-suing, arguing that he falsely stated her allegations were a hoax.

Defamation is defined by the law as a statement that injures another party’s reputation. It can fall into either the camp of being libel, a false written assertion, or slander, a fabricated spoken statement. The op-ed piece, the crux of this lawsuit, falls under the libel rubric. The judge must decide if the evidence indicates that Depp was ever physically abusive towards Heard to rule on the defamation charges.

In this case, the concerning physical and mental health implications of domestic abuse and toxic relationships are on full display. Luckily, oftentimes with the right therapy, it’s possible to emerge from or break patterns of unhealthy or toxic relationships.

The Allegations

Both actors have alleged the other committed domestic violence. Depp has an incriminating audiotape of Heard, admitting to repeatedly hitting him, while Heard has texts written by Depp, saying, “let’s drown and burn her!!! I will (expletive) her burnt corpse afterwards to make sure she’s dead.” She has also claimed that Depp physically assaulted her multiple times.

Both parties have pictures of bruises and marks on their faces and extremities. Depp even claimed that Heard threw a bottle at him, severing his finger, requiring reattachment at the hospital.

In addition to alleging physical violence, both Depp and Heard have accused each other of emotional abuse, which often accompanies this cycle of toxicity. Victims of emotional abuse have reported that being told they are nothing, worthless, and a waste of space obliterates their resiliency, sense of self, and ability to fight back.

What Does Domestic Violence Look Like?

Domestic violence is a very serious allegation. It is typically a crime of physical, emotional, sexual, economic, and psychological abuse that also can include threats and stalking.

According to the National Statistics Domestic Violence Fact Sheet, one in three women and one in four men have experienced some form of domestic violence, including slapping, shoving, and pushing. For more severe physical assaults, one in seven women and one in 25 men have experienced abuse that resulted in injuries.

When one or both partners are physically attacking the other, this creates a toxic environment that can be lethal. Over 4,000 women die each year due to domestic violence. Prosecutors often have a hard time pursuing domestic violence cases because victims aren’t willing to testify against the abuser and will lie about how they were injured.

Indeed, Depp testified that when his finger was sliced, he fabricated a story to the doctor about self-injury in an attempt to shield Heard from criminal liability.

A History of Witnessing Domestic Violence as Children

Both Depp and Heard have alleged they grew up with abusive parents. Depp has stated that Heard’s unpredictable physical and cruel verbal attacks on him mirror the abuse he suffered by his mother. Conversely, she has compared Depp to her alcoholic father, who by her own account, could turn extremely violent when drunk. Further, both have testified that they witnessed domestic violence as children. Depp testified that he saw his mother repeatedly hit his father and, similarly, Heard claimed to have often witnessed her father attack her mother.

It is well acknowledged in the legal and mental health system that when children witness domestic violence, they are at higher risk for health problems, including chronic stress, fear, and hypervigilance that can impair brain development. They are also more vulnerable to becoming involved in abusive and toxic relationships as adults.

Thus, the legal system acknowledges that it is a crime for a child to witness domestic violence. The courts can remove kids that observe physical violence between their parents. Unsurprisingly, abuse takes its toll on a victim’s mental health: they often begin to experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), clinical depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and recurrent thoughts of suicide.

To be trapped in a relationship with domestic violence is to be locked in a war zone where your physical, emotional, and sense of self are under constant attack.

Toxic Relationships

The initial love affair Depp described on the stand as “too good to be true” at some point became unhealthy, with both parties alleging abuse by the other. Toxicity can become normalized and more difficult to discern when modeled for a child at a young age. So, the question that then arises is what are the signs of a toxic relationship? How can one ensure they are not in the throes of an abusive situation? The following is a brief list of indicators that may suggest a toxic relationship:

• Toxic communication
• A lack of mutual support
• Jealousy
• Possessiveness and controlling behaviors
• Dishonesty
• Walking on eggshells
• Physical violence
• Emotional abuse
• Sexual abuse
• Substance abuse
• Cruelty

Depp and Heard, based on their testimony, have experienced many components of a toxic relationship. Both are alleging physical, emotional, and substance abuse compounded with extreme cruelty towards each other. Moreover, they have stated they witnessed domestic violence by their parents as children and were abused themselves. While it is impossible to state with certainty that past abuse may have led them to the present allegations, it may have made them more vulnerable to a tumultuous relationship.

Reasons for Hope

If one experiences an unhealthy partnership, or if previous maltreatment seems to be constantly re-triggered, trauma-informed therapy can be very effective. The plasticity of the brain signifies that abuse doesn’t have to remain unprocessed in the mind and body. Thus, one isn’t necessarily primed to be in a toxic relationship or to stay when issues begin to spiral out of control.

In the Depp v. Heard case, there is clearly no winner, regardless of the ultimate defamation ruling. It is a tragedy that neither of them were able to extricate themselves from their relationship before the toxicity became allegedly both physically and emotionally abusive.

Editor’s Note: This piece is not aimed at determining whether the alleged defamation occurred or not.

Michelle Charness, JD, PsyD, LCSW, is a psychotherapist in Los Angeles, California. She was formerly an assistant district attorney for Middlesex County, Massachusetts, where she specialized in the prosecution of domestic violence and sexual assault cases.