Dear Overheard: If you are speaking to a person while they are driving a vehicle, then yes, you should assume that you are on speaker, because that is the safest way to do both at the same time.
However, etiquette — as well as common sense — would also dictate that the person placing or receiving the call would notify the other party immediately: “Hey, just letting you know that you’re on speaker…”
Furthermore, unless it is an emergency, a call for directions, or a topic of mutual interest to all parties I think it’s rude to place a call when you already have a passenger in the car with whom you could be making conversation.
You — not the passenger — were owed an apology after your privacy was violated.
I was recently on an airplane and the minute we landed the woman next to me pulled out her phone (the way people do), called her sister, and put her on speaker. Everyone around her was forced to hear both sides of the conversation.
(We found out where they were parked and what they were having for dinner, and by the way, did you know that Shelly is waiting on test results?)
Your family members are essentially broadcasters, running their own radio station. You can also think of this as a throwback to “party lines.” Remember those?
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