What do people use ‘close friends’ for on social media?

On the other hand, adding someone to your close friends can be a sign you want to get to know someone better. It can “add a level of intimacy if you add someone to your ‘close friends’ list”, says Portolan. “It’s an interesting social cue.”

Owen*, 28, is now in a long-term relationship. When he was single, however, ‘close friends’ was a strategic part of the courting process. “I know this sounds kind of insane, but I would delete everyone off my ‘close friends’ except for the boy I liked at the time. I would then target them with ‘thirst traps’, songs from artists I knew they liked, or specific memes.” It mostly worked, he says. Rather than message these things directly, which can seem “desperate”, ‘close friends’ was a way to make someone feel “special” but also part of a larger group (Instagram doesn’t allow you to see how many others are on people’s list).

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Amongst the women she spoke to, Portolan also found that close friends was used to report people who acted inappropriately on dating apps – for example sending unsolicited pictures, abusive language, or fat shaming. “They’d take screenshots and share images of these men to their friendship as a warning.”

Dr Paul Byron, from the School of Communication at UTS, studies digital cultures of care and friendship. In his interviews with LGBTQA+ young people (18-25s), he says a common theme was the use of close friends for digital peer support. “People don’t want to burden their friends, we hear that a lot these days,” he says. Posting something to an intimate group of people can therefore be an indirect way to signal that you’re struggling. There’s no pressure to respond, but “if they have the capacity to support their friend, they can.”

Dana*, 25, currently has 57 people on their close friends list. They say that if they’re going to be posting “mentally ill content” then they’ll often cull people from the list. The type of posts they share can be very intimate. Sharing is more a “release”, rather than a way to elicit support from others.

“People can be quite cynical about public displays of mental health,” says Byron, “because there can be the sense that they’re performative.” So knowing you’re part of a private audience can make posts feel more “authentic and intimate,” he adds.

It also means that those suffering from mental health issues can choose who they feel comfortable sharing that information with. And everyone gets the chance to tell their friends, loved ones and people they hope to love some day just how close they are.

*Names have been changed